What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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