Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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