I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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