I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
