what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
