i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
