Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
