i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
