How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
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