My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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