Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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