So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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