Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
