I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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