Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
