Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
