I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize