does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
