wrigley field is MILF paradise
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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