I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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