I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
