I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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