oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
