he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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