Me. At least after what I've been through.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
