Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
