using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
