He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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