Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize