i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
