you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize