whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
