There is no way he is gay with that hair.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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