does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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