So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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