i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
