God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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