Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize