You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
