I got chris browned last night
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
