shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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