I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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