I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
