Yo dont text me then not text me
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
