yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Randomize
