This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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