Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
