You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
