sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
