too bad you live with your parents still
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
A bitchslap is in order.
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