I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
