im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
