Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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