Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize