Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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