that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
