Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
