Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
