Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
