The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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