I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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