Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
