im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
