God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize