omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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