I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Randomize
