so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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